From the Journals, April 2020, Lockdown in a divorce and pandemic
Quarantine Cottage continued during lockdown in a divorce and pandemic. Ways to pass the time constructively:
Day 29 Black bean cans instead of Wine Weight Wednesday.
Bit of a mishap this morning in my Lockdown Home Gym whereby my mason jar of water (from curbside cocktail collection) flew across the coffee table soaking all of my papers, magazines, computer, etc. Work out must go on. Lunge, squat, clean the water…
Watched a cool FB live concert out of Nashville.
Visited Mom and Dad with Natural Cafe. Sat socially distant, but it means so much to them. Shared this concert. Dad closed his eyes and imagined he was around a campfire, one of his favorite places.
Divorce Thoughts
Never imagined after a lengthy four year separation/divorce process, that we’d be in a Global Pandemic, with courts closed, and Ex on his Lockdown in the family home. After being abroad, and planning a different future, I’m lucky to have found this Quarantine Cottage at least temporarily here in Santa Barbara, where I’m able to keep an eye on my parents, and my Daughter (who certainly didn’t plan to be here either). None of us planned on this COVID-19 scenario. Choosing more than ever to roll with the punches and find the glass half-full moments. Hoping for “normalcy” where my new life full of possibilities, global adventures, a film career, and a new Act can continue. I couldn’t have written a more unbelievable Second Chapter in this particular saga. Learning to embrace uncertainty and spontaneity, and appreciating each and every person in my life who has been so supportive, and full of love. Grateful for each moment.
Bicycle Escape
Day 30 – Got the bike out of lockdown and cruised in the heatwave to the beach and got a guavatini quarantini for the hot ride back.
“4 Hour Work Week” by Timothy Ferris
Found the book and my accompanying journal from a year ago in my storage unit. My son had recommended it to me. There are so many good thought-provoking nuggets, and they have even new relevance in lockdown. Here are some of the notes I wrote down that were meaningful to me a year ago. Others are quotes from my journal. Again, now they have even deeper meaning:
More quality, less clutter.
“Someday” is a disease – if you want to do it, just do it.
Positive use of free time vs. what you’re obligated to do
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Most people choose unhappiness over uncertainty.
“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” – Confucius.
Pure hell forces action, anything less can be endured with clever rationalization.
What we most fear doing is what we most need to do.
Inaction greatest risk of all.
Excitement = happiness, chasing your passion
Boredom is the enemy, not failure
Paralysis by analysis.
Important actions are never comfortable.
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there
Time without attention is worthless, so value attention over time
Persistence is what makes the impossible possible, the possible likely, and the likely definite. – Robert Half
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. – Les Brown
It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot
A single sunbeam is enough to die away many shadows – St.Francis of Asisi
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. – Beverly Sills
Lockdown Groove
Day 31. It took me weeks to get in a lockdown groove and not slip into despair especially during 14 days total self-isolation. But now I’ve got to say that I’ve never had so much time to pursue my professional goals. Finishing the scripts that were percolating in my brain, reaching out to creatives all over the globe and working together, pursuing bigger goals for myself and my company. I can’t wait to bust out of here sooner rather than later, but I’ll be ready!
Happy Friday! Yes it’s another Quarantine Weekend… this one in the heat.
Day 32 The Heat Wave
Woke up, dejavu again (after typical night of unsettled sleep/insomnia). Another day of no set plans. Empty calendar. Plenty to do on my list, but I’m getting restless. Positive is talking to friends at length who we haven’t had time in the past to do more than a “like” on social media.Exercise. 8:00 Insta class. Break out the bike again. Anything to escape this confinement.
Write. Go into fantasy world. Read. Another dream land. Motivational books. Continue Curb Your Enthusiasm and have a few laughs. Scrounge for something to eat. Clean out fridge. Hate seeing expired food. Repeat. NIGHT – Sinking into despair. Darkness. Feeling precarious. Solitary confinement, divorce, lockdown, uncertainty, despair.
Day 33 Sunday (Used to be Funday).
Clawing my way out of the dark hole. Walked. FaceTime with the Rogue. Audible on deck. Goodreads updated. Kindle locked and loaded. Numerous magazines BLD (Before Lockdown), 8 self-help books. Still finding it hard to focus on reading. More into music these days. Hmmm time to reevaluate my “Never Will I Ever – Maybe – Definitely” vision boards. I think I have some additions/deletions. Guess it’s time to clean out the fridge. The sinking feeling when you find the hummus and deli turkey has expired. Rotten veggies. What a waste!
Day 33 – My Uncle Doug’s 70th birthday Zoom party
8 cousins from 21 – to me, plus 2 of their wives, and 4 of their babies, 3 uncles, 2 aunts, 2 parents, 1 sister, 1 brother, 2 nieces. Wow! We haven’t all seen each other in decades to be honest. What a special Lockdown celebration!
Night 33 Arrived back to the cottage to 8 police cars out front, sirens blaring. I’m on absolute edge. If you are not on lockdown totally alone, you may not understand just how emotionally/mentally challenging it is. I am a social person. I need human contact. This weekend inexplicably has been the worst for me and I’m so grateful for those that have tried to bust me out of my funk.
Day 35 – Lockdown Reflections (the big divorce post on Facebook)
After four challenging years of separation leading to divorce, and now in the midst of our global pandemic lockdown, my little Santa Barbara cottage is the final cocoon from which I will emerge. As many of you have witnessed through my social media, this journey of spreading my wings and pursuing my new life has been full of mixed emotions, with a lot of pain and struggle along the way, but full of gratitude for all who have supported me and shared in my growth these past years. When the world opens back up, I will take flight into my next chapter as a bold, bright, colorful, butterfly. (Positive vibes only, please.)
Day 35 – I was so afraid to put out the divorce post. Sense of relief now that it’s out there. So far positive comments. Monitoring. What a freaking relief. Time to move on.
Lockdown Fashions
Roll out of bed straight to the “home gym”. Added an elastic band which really upped my game. Threw on the pink faux fur jacket for business calls. Felt very professional. Moved right into a little housekeeping, 1950s glamour feel. Time to transition for outdoor walk. No joke, threw on my bath robe thinking it was a hoodie.
Anyone else losing their mind?
Day 40 Triskelion Necklace
Today, pensively weaving through a labyrinth brings solace and reflection. 40 days ago I arrived back from the UK and Ireland. Hard to believe it. Had so much momentum going on there with film and television projects. Grateful I was able to spend quality time with my Son as I don’t know when I’ll be able to see him next. I haven’t taken off the Triskelion necklace I bought there at Newgrange, Ireland. It’s meaning is more relevant now than when I bought it:
life-death-rebirth, spirit-mind-body, past-present-future, power-intellect-love and creation-preservation-destruction.
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