Quarantine Chronicles Part 8 - Casa de Coco - (Before Africa)

From Quarantine Cottage to Casa de Coco… New Beginnings (from the Divorce/Pandemic 2020 journals)

Quarantine Chronicles Part 7 – “Claws On Wood”, a Lockdown Nightmare

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July 4, 2020 America’s birthday is our first night in the new cottage/casa. With whimsical creatures, from armless dolls to red birds in the chandelier, a tin man and a creepy Pinocchio like creature, wooden ducks, a rubber chicken, mannequins in red tulle, dogs in frames, a red swing on a front porch, a rabbit of straw on the back porch, black and white checkered fantasy, 1950s diner kitchen, red fridge, new fuzzy bedding, antiques, quirky at every turn. This is the new creative space.

July 5 LOVE IT. A dream. New beginnings.

My collection of books

Uncertainty

July 7 So, yesterday. Day drinking from 11:00 am with Loretta and friends – Sand Bar, Deep Sea Winery. Chats with Rogue. Is he coming or not?

July 8, 2020 Rogue all in. Has a music video Aug. 4. Mexico? Borders open?

July 9 – Flirting with Depression. Even though I love Casa de Coco, and life with Loretta is fun and positive. Mom and Dad, epic seeing them. But divorce is killing me. Slipping into a bit of an abyss.

July 11 – Day 3 deep depression. Could hardly get out of bed. Feeling so hopeless. Now that I’m moved in, what’s next? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I want to travel. See my son. Make films. I’m strong for my kids and my parents, and I don’t want to be a burden or complainer, but I’m struggling. Rogue has been helpful. Cancun would be epic. I know it’s a risk and scary but I’m willing to for the excitement. Otherwise I have to go somewhere else. Africa with my son? Can’t stand this uncertainty. What does the future hold? Must keep my head up. Be strong.

LATER Much needed Daycation pulled me out of self pitying abyss. Rogue called yesterday as I was near tears after getting my post office box (next step in divorce independence). Said it’s a “milestone”. Today I checked “individual” instead of “family”. Crazy life change” after a traditional, conventional life, “Family of 4”.

The Need to Move

July 12, 20 Anxiety. Going to house under Ex’s supervision. I’m raging. The Woman and his Friends are allowed there. Amongst all of our joint possessions. But I have to be “supervised”.

7-17-20 Friday – Went to Santa Monica. Dinner and drinks with Daughter and Roomies. Wonderful pick me up.

7/18/20 Drove to Aliso Viejo to see sister and nieces. What a treat.

7/19/20 I need to leave. This is when I run. Like when I went to India during the separation after Roxy’s death (our beloved dog). AFRICA. Be bold. Feeling so hurt and hopeless. Trying to get divorce moving. It will never be just or fair. Is my son gone forever? Will film projects ever happen? Rogue coming is but a fantasy. Need to escape.

7/20/20 More darkness this morning. Thank God for Loretta. Chad’s for breakfast in the sun. Ocean view. Lay in bed. So tired. Battle fatigue. Rogue Facetimed. I couldn’t hide my despair. More over divorce battle. He was very sympathetic and compassionate. I miss travel. Music. My Son. I might really go to Tanzania.

7/21/20 Fab day in Malibu with Loretta, and two local singers. Daycation again. Trying to feel normal. Need to run/escape. Africa?? Mexico?

Malibu Daycation

I’m going to Africa…in a pandemic

7/22/20 Africa. I’m going to do it. I must see my Son and his Girlfriend. I miss them so much. It’s all I want. Making my new updated single woman Will. Feel better for it.

7/23/20 Booked Africa. Insane. In one week. In a pandemic. I’m nervous. Long talk with Rogue. He needs to get his arse in gear about coming. 3 months. Mexico. He said I need to stop running and find inner contentment. True. Perhaps.

Son instructed I can only bring one bag!

Pondering

One outfit for Africa!

Anniversaries and birthdays

7/24/20 My Anniversary. Always a strange day. Empowered today. Needed fire of Africa. Seeing Son and GF. Adventure. Flirting with danger. Fuels me. Gives me passion.

7/27/20 My Daughter’s 22nd b-day. She’s at the family house. Dinner with her dad and friends. So weird to be the outsider. Later met her and friends for an outing on the wharf, all masked up.

Fun bike outing with my friend Tina. More gorgeous masks arrived from https://www.chaneljoanelkayam.com in the UK. New fashion statement!