(From the journals April 2020, part 2 of 9; in the middle of a divorce and a pandemic)
From International Globetrotting to Lockdown, Santa Barbara Style
Pre Lockdown Never Would I Ever:
Eat spicy chicharrones (fried pork fat), but damn they’re good
Cook bacon, and then eggs in the bacon sizzling fat = delicious
Do push ups to Leona Lewis
Dance to Snow Patrol
Smoke a scented cigarillo on the back deck
Make homemade dorky bandannas (in oh so fashionable fabrics)
Listen to cheesy music
Then eat endless cheese… blue cheese, feta, manchego… mmmmm
Do a backyard pedi in bright blue polish
Have birds, crows and pigeons, stalking my Santa Barbara Roll droppings on the pier
Suck back “mean tais” aka Mai Tais in mason jars on a bench, leaning against the wooden wall as convertibles and motorcycles pass by.
Squirt sanitizer, rub rub.
New lockdown joys:
Rollerblade in the sunshine, sun kissed skin, ocean breeze, speak to strangers 10 feet apart, toast to the future.
Hunker down in the cozy cottage, palm tree shadow, sun, music blaring, FaceTimes, toast to today’s simple pleasures.
Day 18, Easter Weekend, Saturday
Starting to feel like a Staycation. Fantasizing we’re at Mel’s Diner on a Saturday morning.The whole cottage smells of smokey bacon.
Dare I say, I had a great day? The simple pleasures are amplified. Sunshine. Palm trees. Ocean breeze. Exercise. People. Jugglers. Unicyclists. Bikes with blaring music. Motorcycles. Bandanas. Convertibles. Outdoor gyms with muscle men making do with make shift weights (like my wine bottle Wednesdays). Hammocks. Cars cruising the boulevard. We will forever appreciate the mundane.
Day 19, Easter Sunday
My first Zoom Easter. So cute to see little (nieces) Dahlia and Sierra dyeing Easter eggs. Hearing everyone’s voices and laughter was a breath of fresh air. Picked up Rosewood Miramar “Easter to Go”, amazing basket of food, flowers, dessert, goodies. Splendid treat from my parents. We did the pick up and safely did an exchange to them, from across the street…. Surreal and sad to not get close, but grateful to even see their beautiful faces for a moment outside. I am so grateful to have my Lockdown Girls, Daughter and Loretta with me. A bit of sunshine. Miss all my friends and family around the world. Hope you find a moment of peace today. Love & Hugs.
LATER – REFLECTIONS
Feeling a bit emotional. Beautiful day despite current crisis and grey skies. From FaceTime with my dear friend, Zoom with whole fam., calls with the Rogue and others in UK. So grateful to have Loretta & Daughter, real humans, tangible love. Missing Son & my Ireland family. Only one-two months ago had these great experiences, feels like a world away. Trying to be positive on a day to day basis, but the FOtF (Fear of the Future) overwhelms me at times. My whole life was about global/international travel life. Films. Music. Restaurants. Bars. Concerts. Theater. Fashion shows. I am not a quarantine, shelter in place, lockdown type.
Trying to pretend that it’s normal to recoil from humans passing by, to not hug my own parents but carefully leave their Easter basket/feast ten feet away… in the middle of the street!….this is not normal. Thinking of the elderly, alone, sequestered away for their own protection, yet absolute solitude is torture. This I know after only 14 days alone in solo isolation. Both of my kids should have been graduating college next month, after years and years of hard work. We had celebratory trips planned. Films were set to be shooting.
Scrolling through my photos from the last two months in Ireland/Scotland/London… another world. I cannot accept that this life is over. Just memories?
I’ll continue to be as positive as I can, but sometimes you have to look these losses in the face and feel the pain. Look to the future and hope that life will return to “normal”. No “toxic positivity” here.
Shout out to my son (missing him in Ireland!!).
This came out in the magazine for IAESTE (the International Association for the Exchange of Students for Technical Experience) from his internship in India in 2019 where his research paper won a prestigious award. In the current situation with the world having shut down, it’s hard to imagine these experiences and opportunities. I hope we don’t lose this in the future.
The IAESTE president’s message: “IAESTE does not just give wings to our aspirations but gives us the tools required to live and work across cultures and personal comfort zones. The most important tool is being comfortable with differences. Many of our students have worked in countries all around the world. They have come back that much richer with experience, life long bonds, and understanding of historical events that we would have otherwise read in books.”
Because of my son’s adventurous spirit, I also went to India in 2019. What an eye opening, life changing experience. I miss this kid. Glad I recently spent so much time in Ireland with him!
Day 20 Lockdown Luxury.
When the dress you ordered in February from the Valentine’s Michael Kors collection arrives… and there’s nowhere to wear it! Barefoot on the back deck will have to suffice. Sending you all a sprinkling of pink and red hearts.
Night 20
Colored markers, construction paper. Time for goal setting. Never Will I Ever. Maybe. Definitely. With Plan A and Plan B – “Post Lockdown” vs. “Endless Lockdown”. In times of uncertainty it helps to actually put pen to paper and write down plans and dreams. Without hope, there is nothing. With dreams there is hope.
Drove Loretta to apartment in Sherman Oaks. Ghost town. Masks everywhere. Sirens. Eerie. Walked to Cheesecake Factory. What a joy to order our favorite dishes and eat them in her apartment.
Living situation, job, money… travel. Divorce. All uncertain. Made vision boards. Woke up next morning with positive momentum on one of my scripts, and the Rogue saying he wants to start writing songs for another of my projects which inspired me to actually write it during lockdown.
Day 21 – Morro Bay day trip
Drove with Loretta to Morro Bay. Beautiful journey, felt so free. Love having a friend. We’ll never forget this time together through this craziness.
Morro Bay – bizarre ghost town. Felt like Walking Dead. Otters. Seals. Sea gulls just sitting together basking in the sun. Found a fish and chips place open, ordered clam chowder and onion rings and shockingly were allowed to sit at an outdoor table. Bandana always around neck.
This is the beginning of the California road trip I hope to take the Rogue on when this madness ends. He and I can both write – he the songs, me the scripts. Will there ever be travel again? International. Extremely concerned about seeing the Rogue, my son, and all my Irish and Scottish people. I cannot believe this. Every single day, waking up to this nightmare that the ENTIRE world is experiencing.
And I can’t even get divorced. Courts paralyzed. Mind boggling. Let me be free.
Day 22 Wine Wednesday Weights, Done.
Uncertainty vs. Positivity
Looked at absolutely empty April and May calendars and had to once again pull out the “Is there enough Positivity in your Life?” paper ambitiously sitting on my “positivity table”.
The uncertainty has me leaning to the negative emotions at times: “frustrated, afraid, anxious, lonely, hopeless.”
How to get to the positive ones? “Looking forward to something, inspired, proud, content, grateful, connected, hopeful, energized, kind toward myself, loving toward someone else…”
My daily workouts and walks, getting dressed, putting on makeup, setting up visually appealing work spaces help with the energy. Grateful for family and friends, and the virtual connections. Proud of my kids’ accomplishments as they both are ready to complete their university studies.
Time to Write
My “Never Will I Ever, Maybe, Definitely” vision board manifested itself and told me I must write during Lockdown.
I had written a treatment for the follow up project to “Semester Abroad” (which is set in Ireland, written last September in Dublin & Edinburgh) two months ago while in Edinburgh, days before Berlin. It was another world then.. With my Scottish muses – the Rogue writing lyrics – and Jack, actor, appearing on Outlander this week- Lisa on the East Coast encouraging and working with me on this trilogy – and my son and his girlfriend, my original inspirations, I can’t think of a better way to slip into a fantasy world of my happy place and conjure up characters and a story dear to my heart.
So here goes: Page 1.
PEDIS, LEMONS AND ORANGES
Later: Illicit Lockdown Backyard Pedi (like prohibition!). Closed my eyes and dreamed of the good old days of actual nail salons.
Later again (is it really the same day….) Such simple pleasures… having glorious fresh lemons and oranges picked off the tree by an old neighbor Remy and delivered to my cottage door. And the taste… exquisite. Now I just need that quarantini lemontini recipe from my friend Robert!
It also added to my still life work/eating space. Colors and life.
Day 23 WAITING FOR INSTACART MAN
InstaCart Man
You weren’t part of the Plan
But Lockdown in a Mask
Just craving a Flask
Of Quarantini
Lemontinis
You wear the Gloves
Brave the Shoves
Dodge the Dirty Stares
The judgey Glares
Sanitizer, dry skin
Will they even let you in
I’ll be in my Room
Preparing to Zoom
Virtual Happy Hours
Surrounded by my Flowers
Ice in the glass
Lemon squeezed with class
InstaCart Man
Essentially my Superman.
Oh wait, it’s InstaCart Woman,
…My She-ro!
By Kim aka Quarantine Kim, Lockdown Loca, Isolated Writer Will Write
Quarantine Chronicles Part 1 Lockdown(Opens in a new browser tab)
Quarantine Chronicles – Part 3 Proud Mama, Virtual Graduations(Opens in a new browser tab)
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