From the Divorce/Pandemic 2020 journals (9 of 9 posts)
Sept. 12/2020 Staring out at the Indian Ocean from Tembo Hotel in Zanzibar. Ready to leave. Emotional. I’m a different person after six weeks in Africa. “Mama Simba”. Strong, confident, powerful, nurturing, protective. I have received more love, respect and care here than from many people I know back home.
(See Tanzania Tales and Zanzibar Dreams posts in the “Travel Adventures” section of the blog.)
Zanzibar Dreams – Part 1 – Flight for One
Tanzania Tales – Part 1
On plane from Zanzibar to Kiliminjaro on Ethiopia Airlines. Pole pole. I will not settle for the boring or mundane. I need to surround myself with those that believe in me.
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. In the “club” lounge I met the most interesting men traveling through Africa in a pandemic. Rugged ex military types going to an “undisclosed African country”. So mysterious. Felt like yet another scene in a film.
Frankfurt, Germany – So weird to be only in transit in Europe, unable to visit. When will it ever be normal? So glad I got a massive trip. I will not be stationary. Must get my affairs in order. Get back to UK/Scotland. But divorce court dates, a trial (!?) all looming. Ugh. Positive Vibes Only. Keep the pole pole Africa attitude with me.
Spent the night at LAX airport hotel, got a COVID test (all clear!), then saw my daughter at long last.
Sept.14, 2020
Stresses being back “home” (home currently being Casa de Coco):
Finances dire. (All assets are frozen in a divorce, so currently going on 16 months since filing for divorce living off of credit cards).
Toxic divorce.
The house and my storage situation. The house that I can no longer enter, that another woman is in.
Six weeks of mail. Problems.
Need to sleep off funk.
Sept. 16, 2020 This divorce situation is demeaning and humiliating. Have to turn over all my life – records, every expense. Degrading. Dealt with the house and my storage unit. Looked at it again – there’s my life. In a 10×10 aluminum shed. What happened?? From a lovely four bedroom home to this. Two days back in hometown and I feel defeated.
Sept. 17, 2020 After messaging all through the Africa weeks, the Rogue quit his job in Scotland and said he’s ready to make plans. Said he’d leave tomorrow. What!? Borders still closed so the Mexico plan is the only way.
Sept. 21, 2020 Rogue was getting cold feet until he went looking for a sign, just one more sign. A literal sign popped up, “No miracles happen here.” The sign to leave Scotland. Cancun is booked. Two weeks to reconnect, in the sun. Pools, dinners, bars. Create, believe, dream. Then three months at Casa de Coco. Road trips. I see happiness ahead, and the divorce done soon.
Sept. 23, 2020 It’s all booked. Flights. Hotel. Super excited… and anxious. Divorce still a dark cloud.
LATER
Had a full blown panic attack. Hands froze like crab claws. Veins pulsating, tingling from toes to brain. Horrendous. Poor Loretta had to see this and try and calm me down. Before it happened I had a serious divorce conversation in person with my parents, then had to see the Ex in person at the House. So toxic and stressful. I can’t go on with this divorce process. It’s literally killing me.
Sept. 24, 2020 Still trying to calm my nerves. Emailing attorney. I must finish this divorce. Must pursue positive things… writing/selling projects. Had another surge of anxiety, itching all over like hives. Regrouped this time, and wrote to p. 40 of Meet Me in Zanzibar script. Now dreaming of Mexico.
Sept. 25, 2020 Divorce hell. A woman’s voice on a photo… in my house. It’s still my house.
Packing. I’ve barely been home in Casa de Coco.
Sept. 26, 2020 Zoom memorial. So sad. Must enjoy life. Embrace it all. You never know when your time is up. YOLO. Take this to heart tomorrow to Mexico. Will make it everything. Positive vibes. Be positive. Confident. Hopeful. So excited. Can’t believe this is happening. Two glorious weeks.
I’ve manifested this. Time to be my best self. Be Bad Ass Mama Simba again.
Next up, meeting the Rogue in Mexico! https://secondchapternomad.blog/2023/04/26/cancun-hard-rock-hurricane-delta-my-birthday-2020/
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